Grief counselling - working through the grief as a relative

One can never completely prepare to lose someone one loves, and for the grief that follows. Regardless of whether one has lost before, if the person is young or old, the grief and loss are the same.

We handle grief differently, and the time we take to grieve varies. You, and not the surroundings, determine how long you need to grieve.

Some say that they never stop grieving, but they learn to live without the deceased. They feel that they'll never be the same again, because the deceased was a part of them. But that doesn't mean they won’t be happy again.

If you're grieving, you may have learnt what can distract you and help you to live with the grief. You can also speak to others about their experiences and learn from them. What helps will differ from person to person.

Some things that people say helped them through the grief are: speaking to others who have lost someone close. They understand you and know what you're going through. Maybe you know someone in your social circle, or you can find a support group in your area. You can find support groups via patient associations or local bulletins.

It can also comfort you to talk about the deceased and your life together. You will recall your feelings for the deceased and your shared memories.

It's important to stick to everyday life. This means, for example, that you stick to your routine by waking up and going to bed at your usual times. That you buy groceries, clean up, wash up, vacuum and so on, as you used to. Or go for walks in nature.

It's important that you take care of your health by moving, eating and drinking enough. Also try to get out and see other people. For example, participate in those social activities and leisure activities that you like, even if it doesn't feel the same as before.

The time to return to work varies for different people. Some struggle to begin working again, while others feel it helps to hold down a job. You need to agree with your employer about when to return to work, and you need to discern when you feel ready.

Living life as usual is a way to cope with the grief. After some time, you will feel that the grief has changed, and that it fills less of your everyday life.

There's no use thinking that one can take a short cut and get through grief quickly. Grief will take the time it takes. As a rule of thumb, a normal grieving process lasts approximately six months, but this can vary.

You must take notice of whether you or your relatives feel stuck in their grief, as you may be experiencing a complicated grieving process, which you may need help to get out from. In this situation, you or your relatives should contact a doctor, who can refer you to a psychologist.