Being a relative of a person with a mental illness

Many people will at some time in their life be a relative of a family member or a close friend who has a mental illness. If you experience this, you may feel great sorrow, frustration, powerlessness and be in doubt about how to handle it. You may experience that your entire world collapses, that everything is hopeless. You must take care of the person who is suffering from the illness as well as yourself and perhaps the rest of the family. The new and unknown situation can seem chaotic and with many unknowns. It is a serious burden and you can expect to react just like in other crises. This means that during the process you may feel all kinds of feelings, such as being confused, scared, feeling grief, having a bad conscience or feeling guilt or shame.

There are great individual differences in how we react. This depends on both the relationship you have to the person in question and what other obligations you have. For example, this can be in relation to other family members, a job, education or something completely different. Many are inclined to ignore or hide one’s own feelings and needs, because they will assume the responsibility for the needs of other members. But in the longer term, this reaction can be an additional burden for yourself and your own well-being.

You may also experience that the one who is suffering from the mental illness becomes incapable of action and completely stops taking responsibility for his or her own recovery. In this situation, you as a relative may feel that you must take over and bear the heavy burden alone and make difficult decisions on behalf of the person with the illness. It is a very heavy burden, and the only way in which you can lighten it is to share it with someone.

For many people, speaking openly about mental illness is a taboo. Even though it can be difficult, it can be helpful to tell those around you how mental illness is affecting your life right now. If you do not speak with anyone about it, you may feel completely alone in the situation and perhaps isolated from the outside world. And this can make it all more difficult to bear.

Also be aware that you as a relative may also need help yourself. You can find professional help through telephone counselling services, but there are also special offers for you as a relative. For example, some places offer individual meetings or participation in support groups or groups for relatives. Here you will be given the opportunity to share your experiences with others who are in a similar situation as you.

Try to maintain your daily life and focus on having good experiences, and do not let the illness take over everything. It is also important to try to maintain relationships in the family, for example, maintain parent-child-relationships or sibling relationships as normal as possible. Take care of only one problem at a time. Otherwise it will quickly become too much to handle. It can also be helpful to focus on things that can be dealt with and ignore those that cannot. It can be exhausting to continue fighting against something that cannot be changed. Do not make impossible demands on yourself.

It is important that you take care of yourself so that you can help and support the person who is suffering from a mental illness. Also remember to leave a part of the support to the therapists who follow your relative with a mental illness, so that you do not try to manage everything by yourself.

When you are standing in the middle of all the chaos which a mental illness can bring about, it is important to remember that you can get through a mental illness. There was a time when it was believed that a mental illness lasted for the rest of one’s life. Now there is a more balanced way of looking at it. Most recover. Some recover completely, others learn to live with the illness and can function in daily life like everyone else, and then there are a few who must live with a severe mental illness for the rest of their lives, but the hope and the belief that one can recover or learn to cope with the illness in the best possible way is crucial for the treatment. And by believing in this, you can support the person who has a mental illness. But it can take time to recover, since the treatment process is often long.